i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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