i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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