he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
