It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
