From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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