Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
