i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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