Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
