Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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