I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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