Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
