shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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