This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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