He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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