I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
