the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
