cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
