so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
