so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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