If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
