Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
