how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
