dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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