my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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