gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think we might need a safe word for this...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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