So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
