I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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