I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
