Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
