Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
