Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
