census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
