Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
