she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
