i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
