sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
