I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
