Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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