i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
