they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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