Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
