last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I would ride that face into the sunset
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
