new low.... made out with someone while peeing
lets start a swedish sibling band together
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
