What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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