my room smells like sperm. sweet.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
