Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
