Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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