She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Randomize
