she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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