Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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