Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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