If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
