no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
