i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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