I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
