She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
